"When I was in high school, I liked to pretend that I was a Russian foreign exchange student. I would do things like go into a pizza restaurant and tell them I’d never had pizza before, and they’d bring me into the kitchen and show me how to make an American pizza. It’s really fun. People relate to you totally differently, and show you a side to themselves that you never see in your regular voice. So I guess the short answer is just “By fucking around."

In the future... 

• Husband: What are you doing?
• Me: I found my old Tumblr!
• Husband: Can I see?
• Me: No. Noo. No. No. No.
• Husband: Is that....Wait. Was your Tumblr about me?
• Me: 
• Husband: 
• Me: 
• Husband: 
• Me: No.

infinityonsigh:

am i the only person who randomly remembers text posts like in the middle of the day and just starts laughing

confidenceandparanoia started following you

Hi, thanks for following! I love your blog :D.

When my parents walk by I stop scrolling 

sodamnrelatable:

Tumblr can go from puppies to orgies any second.

via sodamnrelatable

no-chickflick-moments:

blood-and-confetti:

verysupernatural:

Look guys, i drew a hellhound. I hope you like it.

*backs away in terror*

remuspoopin:

#idk why i’m so attracted to you #your face is a rectangle with hair on it

Arnold Rimmer — Series 1

under-a-darkrystal-sky:

Indeed a Captain…

my-wifi-is-organic:

motherhonker:

DO YOU EVER JUST SIT DOWN AND REALIZE HOW CREEPY YOU ARE

Sometimes I realize it while standing.